Me. Now.

Me. Now. I feel a little strange. As if I were thawing out.  I don’t know who I am when I meet another.  I can’t fit into my past life, as if my clothes don’t work for me anymore.  I thought I was fine, until I open my eyes and see what they see.  Am I crazy? I can’t relate…to anyone.  Nothing little exists. It’s all ‘biggies’ it feels, nowadays. Where am I in this space?  I just want to…

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Death of the Conditioned Mind

Death of the Conditioned Mind Never in my life have I seen the radical affects of our conditioned mind more than through the transit of death. Knee deep in making sense to understand. We are not our mind, for it is just an after-thought. A compliment.  My grandmother transited out-of-body.  I did not get the concrete memo of factual information. Instead I got it via fractal code of consciousness – the before-mind. Slightly embarrassed, questioning my profession and are *they…

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Middle Class Homelessness

Middle Class Homelessness “The value is not in the receiving, nor the giving, although opposed charges, they are the same. Yet, it is the energy of transference in-between that must be kept alive. Keep it going in both directions, simultaneously. This is the ‘god-it’ transaction.” – Vanessa Wishstar We are middle class homeless people. The potential of possibilities still exists in a comfy landing but where we are suspended, tied up in fury, helplessness, hopelessness, is a cold sore at…

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The Twenty-five Shakedown

The Twenty-five Shakedown. I just posted on a local Buy Sell Trade FB page, stating what I ‘needed’ (i.e., hutch, long desk, door etc.). The backstory is my family and I still remain *homeless & jobless for the most part because of the after effects of the Dec. landslide in Haines, AK. Recently my coMedium friend, Meghan Hart, graciously offered to sign me into her office space so, in gratitude and a hint of design OCD I begged her to…

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My Journey Home

For six months I’ve been trying to get home, but apparently I was needed in another realm. Aside from the external story that was downright humorous when you’re at the end of your rope, my inward journey home, enlightened me with radical acceptance, void of judgment. I clung my sweaty palms to my seat in a 1989 Scooby Doo RV that shakes barely going over 55 mph. After the millionth time of trying to get home I feel relief yet…

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Your Right to Space in Covid-19

Your Right to Space in Covid-19: I see a lot of questioning about Covid-19. And you should look at every possibility regarding the path of this virus. But when one gets huffy about their ‘rights’ being taken away, this is the line that you fall off into oblivion. You can believe anything you want to about Covid-19, but this isn’t about just you. When you turn it into righteousness, you eliminate the whole and thereby massaging the ego. This is…

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No.45 Cancer

Got Trump Administration Cancer? Do you hold your breath, waiting till the news stops? Is it back? Did it spread? Can we go on living our lives again? The problem with this type of cancer is that it’s a daily drama, kicking yer ass. It shakes your world and when we’ve had enough, trying to shut off the access in, there it pops up again, like an online ad. “Leave me alone!” But it won’t ever leave and you might…

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The Vortex of Haines, Alaska

I’ve never lived in a place so full of synchronicity and serendipity. It’s as if this place was also looking for us all along. This is Haines, Alaska. We moved here in 2016 and have been enjoying this nook on the water for a few years now. One of the glaring insights I’ve received was that Haines is a vortex – as in, not just the place, but the PEOPLE also. Which is molding which… I’m just not sure of…

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Energy of Anger

My kid got pushed while in a musical parade by an older boy. Then him being tired and exhausted from the activities, MY kid threw a rock at a younger boy an hour later. This is energy in motion. It’s not personal, it’s just raw without consciousness. Energy doesn’t stop, instead we handle it with emotional intelligence. Many times we miss that tiny window. I did. Then again, we were in the middle of a parade. Here’s the odd part,…

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Talk about how you ‘did it’ prior to it happening.

We all have struggles. Everything seems just out of reach in attainment – health, wealth, relationships, courage etc., and what I’ve found myself intuitively doing is I tell people, in my storytelling mind, how I DID IT, even though it didn’t happen yet. It usually goes something like this… Random admiring person (RAP): “Oh, Vanessa, tell me how you got through this period of financial invisibility?” Me (Vanessa): “Oh I don’t know! It was so scary and I didn’t know…

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