Most don’t know there’s a difference between the two; anger and hate, and although they seem to be cousins, they’re distantly related. The question is, what do we allow in our space and what do we close the door to?
Anger to me, is always a stimulant, a mover and shaker; honing into your truth and corralling your power within, not giving it away like you do when you hate. Hate is powerless, that’s why it’s masqueraded as a power trip. Go ahead and trip up on hate, you’ll be bruisin’ your own face on the sidewalk. Anytime we project our anger, instead of using it as the raw energy it is, it morphs into hate and although dangerous and scary, feeling the like you’re in control and powerful, it will always punch you back as a Goonie booby trap. So, use your field of raw energetic intensity, otherwise known as anger, responsibly.
Now, as you can see, what we DO with anger makes all the difference in the world, but most forget that we actually can use it constructively, instead of feeling consumed by it. How do we do that? We give space for it.
This is conscious anger. Acknowledging it, well beyond the mind’s thought of, “duhhhh of course I’m raging” will help you lasso its power. Literally making space to listen to your anger, as if you were your own therapist, neutral in opinion.
As soon as we open the door to blame, hate comes rushing in. It’s like plaque in your arteries, so sticky it can’t help but collect more. It’s a justifier, a pusher and dealer always needing its fix, as it can’t survive alone. This is why if hate is festering inside of you, you starve it out by doing the opposite.
Many times I do The Work on my anger, but even before that, I just try and listen. Listening like a therapist can be difficult, as if what we’re believing and saying we still think we should try and justify it. Yet a good therapist listens and guides your journey for a deeper understanding into your beingness, unconditionally. That’s why you might end up talking about your childhood in therapy, as most rage begins there when it was not allowed to be expressed. It’s also why I’m an advocate in NOT silencing children, allowing them to experience their disappointment and frustration along with anger. I’m a parent to a ‘dragon’ of child, and in Chinese astrology, I too am a Water Dragon, so I understand the necessity of allowing e-motion (energy in motion). I see my little dragon child (high needs baby/spirited child) as a great gift, he takes no shit and is sharp as a tack, feeling EVERYTHING, he’s highly sensitive….and dramatic. So we allow his innate beingness in this authentic expression, to create space for him to feel. There is no shame, blame or control unless he needs help to corral his feelings, which can happen often. In that case, we practice breathing. In and out, slowing it all down so we can process the anger, pain, frustration, disappointment. That’s the gift of kids, they show us HOW, they’re not judging themselves on being angry, rather they FEEL it in that very moment, every part of it! So, we learn from this.
As many folks notice, children don’t hate. Why is that? It’s not just because they’re these little angels, as at times mine seems farthest from that, but instead they are present beings. They feel without censorship or guilt, they experience life – all of it, in immediate moments; labeled presence. There’s little thought, just feeling and you see this most from newborn through 3 years of age, till they learn from adults that they need to behave. Society, your in laws, your family members, your closest friends all mean well, but when they judge another in their behavior, it just proves to me, that they have some work to do on their own behavior. They too have been schooled and regimented in how to be socially accepted, tucking away their feelings too great to bare.
The spiritual community is one of the worst cases of people I’ve seen in neglecting anger. Most believe that it isn’t ‘spiritual’ to do/feel. It’s ugly, and they’re right! It is grotesque but so is not flushing your toilet. Anger is shit. Everyone has to do it. If you want to be healthy you best get regular and process it in order to release it, therefore composting it. It’s not something we like to think about, yet have you ever taken a good poo? I have. And that’s something to talk about. So, to process anger is to FEEL it, uninterrupted. To make time for it, just like you do every morning (or afternoon) for the porcelain god. When we make space for our anger, we’re also making space for its healing. What arises, does so, to be healed. We don’t *do anything but be present for it. Whatever actions need to take place, will automatically unfold before you, as if it were there all along, gently. And for the love of the dog, don’t just smother anger with love. Yes of course you’ll get to that point in which you can love the other, love the situation, but not until you can appreciate the anger in its offering.
Anger doesn’t need to be handled, but embraced. It’s not to be corrected, but listened to. It’s voice is for your ears, to understand it, not in pity, but through love. Focus not on another, as that will lead to hate, instead focus on the feelings that the other brings up in you, scratching at your scars in the first place. What’s coming up, is for YOUR healing and the world gains fringe benefits from that process.
So, allow anger and chuck hate.
I’m writing this article on the day my Sagittarian astrology, by Tarot/Rick Levine says, “Novelist Margaret Deland wrote, “Every new truth begins in a shocking heresy.””
Vanessa Wishstar ∞ Intuitive Medium
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