“You can’t be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there’s some left for you
You don’t mind if you do”
~lyrics from Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer.
How many times have you searched to FEEL good? Instead of, learning how to get good at feeling? (You can thank Michael Brown of the Presence Process for that wording.) But have you answered the question?
Hi, my name is _________, and I’m addicted to love or what I superimpose love to be, which is about feeling good. It’s not by accident that we’re addicted to feeling good, it’s bred into our psyche. If there is bad, then there’s good. It can’t exist without the other. It’s the yin and yang, dark and light, yes and no, up and down.
So? So, it might be our consciousness at this point in time and space but if we want to balance the scales, you must stand in the middle, the still point for better words. Here lies the place of witnessing. You suspend belief, judgement things that tip the scale one way or another. In this neutrality you stop the search outside yourself. You just be, accepting ‘what is’.
I run around, my heart bleeding out hanging in my hands. What do I do with all this? It’s out of control, I feel everything, everything I don’t want to feel. I look for anything that will take away this pain. My pulse goes faint, hope is getting dimmer. I thought my will to live would kick in, saving myself from my agony. Lights out.
Lights on. I had a vision down on my knees, one that only can come through when the stage is dark. Blank slate, as to keep it clear and on point. Are you there God, it’s me, Vanessa?
Who am I talking to?
Am I God?
Deal making develops yet usually it’s only on the way down to your knees in surrender. And though I haven’t risen, still in the dark about everything, I deal with myself. No pleading, no begging, instead I understand this fall. I should be a pro at this point of transcendence within. I no longer ask for my pain to be taken away. Instead I sit with it, like an old wounded friend, one that could benefit from being listened to. Not to fix, but to be present with it. So I sit…with myself.
I picture it as if I was a child, stating my fears in feelings. I am her parent, wise with age knowing to console her is to witness her, hear her uninterrupted, giving her everything that was never given from another. I watch her unfold in amazement while simultaneously validating her discomfort. I hold her from behind, bigger than her so my arms reach around holding her tender heart. I breathe warm air on her hair hung over her wet salty face. Cocooning her hurt. She is safe here, she does not have to search for a fix. A safe space to FEEL what arises. Just feeling it, allowing it minus the story. Salty tears pour from the sea of vision I have for her, seeing her sometimes for the first time. She is so perfect. Perfect in this moment of feeling. Courageous, alive, still in her beingness. I hug her tight, infusing her with this awareness till it saturates our entirety.
So, yes, be addicted to love, this kind of love. Don’t waste your energy searching outside of yourself, be who you love.
Vanessa Wishstar, IM
Vanessa Wishstar ∞ Intuitive Medium
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