Dear men, if you want to understand your woman you might want to read this.
This article is dedicated to all the couples who are pregnant and face the challenges that it brings to the relationship. It ain’t easy.
Ahhhh the greater good of pregnancy seems ironic, but this is the ultimate feminine evolution, very similar to menopause.
I lost it, I lost everything this past month it seems, what was so stable in my life. It all crumbled the bigger I grew. I lost our financial stability (hopefully temporarily), if that wasn’t enough then I lost (more like got chipped away) what I had with my husband (hopefully temporarily), what grounded us in our foundation.
Through every loss space is being created for gain and the following is what I gained in awareness.
I am the very foundation, like Mother Earth and when I have no more to give to another because my work is to be done solely on myself (pregnancy), that take away will appear significant and finally noticed due to its absence.
This is what my husband felt.
This is what our life reflected.
My energy in which I give unconditionally, daily, was only recognized when it was no longer there, even by myself. As I lay crushed into a million pieces trying to be more than how I’m already enough, I missed my power. And in this transition I realized my power was this crumbling.
Here’s the thing, women as a whole (pregnant/menopause or not) we are not only everything we are the foundation in which all exists because of us. We are so unaware of this it’s no wonder why our male partners are too.
Men wonder why women cry so much, why we worry, thinking it’s just hormonal and those hormonal surges are a nuisance when in fact that worry, that crying, is us aligning with universal truth. We’re orchestrating, yet most are complaining about the sound, instead of being grateful for the music. This is creation. Our doingness is rarely physical in nature, it is the undercurrent, affecting the quantum field.
The houses, the jobs, the financial flow, the children (for the most part), the food, the clothes, the play and the joy – I, as a woman, gave this to my husband. He definitely was a great part of sustaining these experiences, but I GAVE him this. I will never be repaid, and that’s not even important, but what is, is to honor the creation in which I conjured it all up. We as women rarely honor what we do, do and maybe it’s because what doesn’t seem to have much value won’t be noticed, from either gender.
As I sit here crying from sheer exhaustion, trying every way to honor WHO I AM and that I AM ENOUGH not through my doingness but beingness, I feel defeated in every moment. I consider creating a pregnancy camp of support from midwives, leaving husbands for 9 months. But then I remember how I need his touch and backrubs and my plans are scratched. Again, I feel I lose. Through my anger, as if I had severe PMS where nothing makes sense, I cannot get a grip and I’m a hormonal machine, I realize this could possibly be good. This is something I wouldn’t let myself experience prior because it seems childish and a waste of energy. But this energy needs to move through me, and in its wake others will witness it. Not to blamed or shamed but to be awakened to this reality. This is no longer subtle.
I’m almost afraid of me. Every emotion gets felt. I do not like this. I want me back. I want the me that can handle my husband, my life, myself. Why did my rational mind just fly out the window, it’s not even that windy? What’s worse is nothing is changing, it’s just mud with stabbing hidden daggers that break my heart causing me to bleed. Why now? Couldn’t the Universe pick a better moment of when I’m not pregnant, when I can actually handle all this shit? Apparently this is good timing.
Which leads me to the understanding that in my defenselessness and non ability ‘to do’ I arrived ‘to be’. I’m not a fan, never was. In presence of being, you experience everything through felt perception. You can’t think your way through it or even do anything to change it, you are rendered still in this moment.
As the week goes through itself and I sit in the middle of this fire others seem to finally get glimpses of illumination, as do I.
And this is what I’ve found….
We, as women have spent our entire lives in creation feeding the soil for fertile growth – aka Mother Earth. We can’t help it. Just like a male tends to spend their entire lives trying to be a hero and sustain what we’ve grown in a myriad of ways – aka Father Sun. But the imbalance happens when one is noticed and the other forgotten. I forgot this about myself, as a woman. And if I forgot to honor this essential evolutionary attribute, rarely can it be appreciated from myself or another. This is why we think we have to tell men to do this or that, but really it’s not because they’re dense, but because our offering is in vibrational format – the unseen, by most. So, now when pregnant, I cannot tend to the soil in which creation is birthed in respect to everything outside of me (money, relationship, job, emotional balance etc) therefore it will be FELT as if it’s being taken away, which in turn then everything I was tending to crumbles; money, relationship, job, emotional balance etc. I am no longer being ABLE to cultivate and curate the soil – foundation of it all. Our male mate will then unconsciously pull away because he feels this pull away from his center of what he relied on so he’ll seek to get his needs met outside of this space, instead of providing from lack. This is the biggest mistake men make – again unconsciously. The grave misunderstanding is that pregnancy is happening only to the female. It is not. Many times women ask men to step up their game especially during this time, and then the men follow suit, but it’s within the limitations of the box they’re used to being in. Where it all comes crumbling down is that both genders tend to dismiss the value of their innate power. So the male will improve his ‘doingness’ and strive to be better, when vibrationally that’s not exactly what’s being required. What’s being required is to step into a different role, the one your female counterpart has been doing all along without notice, so it’s going to be challenging when neither you knows how to do it adequately and purposely.
We live in a physical world, so it’s almost impossible for women to embrace what they don’t know they’ve been already doing unconsciously for the most part. Ask a woman if they’re tired. Chances are the answer is yes. Now ask them why? Answer is they don’t really know. For men you can do the same but the answer is going to come from a different realm of reality. Not one is better than the other, it’s just different. Staying on topic, women use a lot of energy in creation, in keeping it balanced and growing this cosmic universe – pregnant or not. Think of it this way. For most women, their household is very important to them. Why? Because it’s a foundation of sorts. Same goes for relationships, children, pets, financial security, stability (even if you’re a full on Sagittarius like I am). The reason we as women find comfort in this, is NOT materialistic but creation of matter. Sure, our evolution is to free ourselves in where this limits our growth, but not to be done as if it doesn’t matter. It all matters.
Our male mates cannot do anything in this field of energy when we’re occupying the space. Therefore the Universe gives us what is needed – for me it removed my foundation and my access in helping myself. This was needed. This was also excruciatingly painful. But as I lay in bed, helpless on all fronts, it gave space for my partner to step into a position in which he knew nothing but required utmost presence. This was a choice and for him, it was a lot of denial and embarrassment in being aghast at where he *failed especially emotionally. Shifting the blame to me and others, feeling like your guts are being ripped out – he experienced what it feels like to be pregnant at times. It was being required for me to step out of this external creational space so others can learn how to do it themselves – product of a baby or not.
Now, understanding that what he gives is not just for me, is not just for our children, but for the greater good. But it’s important to note, that in that offering the first outpouring of presence and creational alignment needs to be to those closest to you because if not it’s usually an ego trap. Once you recognize that these people next to you are the greater good, it overflows into everything/everyone around you. And then you wake up to see, YOU are where the greater good flows from.
This men, this is your new role in evolution. Embrace it as best you can, so your *pregnancy is out of this world. We create together so we can birth into our wholeness.
We are one.
Vanessa Wishstar, Intuitive Medium
Vanessa Wishstar ∞ Intuitive Medium
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