Haines, Alaska Landslide
Year 1, Day of:
Full circle – only to face our fateful day.
What do I do with this ‘review’?
I don’t have, nor do I know, my big feelings any longer. They’ve swallowed me whole, so all I know is my inside world. Tender and raw. I’m in no hurry here, I adjust. Crying is no longer in contrast here, it’s always damp. Vulnerability opens me to experience love in the strangest of ways. I was recently in the ER for 6 hours trying to understand my reaction to my reality. Was it a stroke I had? I lost all sense of self. I stunned myself awake and didn’t know who I was or my relationship with the physical. Cat scans, EKG’s, X-Rays, pokey bloodwork showing me “I’m good”. External validation can offer glorious peace, at times. My body is falling apart, my teeth crumbling as if I match the homeless description to a tee. Gifting my enhancement of seeing layers beyond the veil wondering if I’m transitioning too?
I give up and discover pockets of happiness.
I am not me. Me identified is somebody, but I don’t feel like some-body. I feel like, sum=one. This isn’t what I wanted. This isn’t big, like I imagined – the ONENESS. There’s no specialness, no high, just merging. Equality = parallel, the summoning. The symbol of ‘+’ another is opposition, up and down, across each other. But equality isn’t special. Sure it’s the answer, but that’s it. Game over.
Whoop dee doo da.
This in-between gig is bizarre. Our whole lives all we do is focus on where we’re going in life and “are we there yet?” Asking psychics, asking ourselves, asking our joy level meter. In constant seeking of getting somewhere. Wanting. And if not wanting, then we’re protective in containing. Holding it all together so as to not have it change. I know this. I’ve lived this. Now, I feel like a time traveler sharing that, “wherever you are you’re supposed to be”, as hard as that is to understand, you’re supposed to be there in that experience. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. But if I do, I’ve found every experience offers not only the delivery of YOU, but also others a collective rite of passage, through their own lives. We are all interconnected beyond personalities. This I know.
Vanessa Wishstar, Intuitive Medium & Spirit Guide